SPOOF TREK: The Next Complication
by Sancho Panza
Summary: A little something from my mis-spent youth. Silly, strange, surreal, odd... bonkers mad. I wrote this at school many years ago.
1. Chapter 1

****

SPOOF TREK: The Next Complication

Chapter 1.

"More!" cried Deanna Troi. "More**!** Ooh, YES**!** MORE**!** RIGHT THERE, YOU'RE SO COLD**!** YES**!** NOW RASPBERRY, NOW STRAWBERRY … AND CHOCOLATE**!** _Ooooh_, A LITTLE MINT**!** NOW ORANGE. OOH, **MORE!!!**……" 

Suddenly the doorbell rang. "Ooh, yes! Come! **COME**!" She wailed.

The door swished open and William Riker boldly strode into Deanna's room and found himself skating across the floor toward a massive pile of assorted ice-cream. 

He opened his eyes but saw only darkness – "Aah! Help me, I've suddenly gone blind!" Riker stopped a moment to hear the sound of splattering all around him. He was surprised to hear the voice of the Captain, who said: "Replicator! Stop squirting my crew with assorted ice-cream!"

Riker noticed the splatting sound stop and he stood up out of the mess. **_Mmm_**, he thought, **_That Troi_**! **What an erotic, kinky, ice-creamy woman. Qwar** !

Picards com pinged and Lt. Worf's voice boomed; "Captain Picard, report to the bridge."

"On my way." Picard said, "Are you two going to be alright?"

"Sound as a pound is round, captain" Riker announced with a few quick flicks of his eyebrows.

"Deanna?" said Picard.

"More…" shrieked a weary counsellor Troi from within the ice-cream.

Picard arrived on the bridge and was well pleased to see everything was as usual:

Lt. Worf was checking his console, Ensign Crusher was overseeing a change of course and Data was dangling from the ceiling.

"What's the problem, Mr. Worf?" asked Picard.

"Nothing," barked the Klingon, "False alarm."

Jean-Luc relaxed back into his chair for a moment then spoke gently.

"Mr. Data, if I could speak to you in my readyroom please."

"Aye, sir." Data replied as he came down from the roof.

Captain Picard went into his readyroom with Data CLOSE behind him.

"Data!"

"Aye, sir?"

"Could you please get down from my shoulders?"

"Aye, sir." Data replied, climbing down Picard's leg and back onto the deck.

Picard sat down. "Please sit down, Mr. Data."

"Aye, Sir." Data replied again as he sat down.

"Mr. Data?"

"Aye, sir?"

"May I talk to you about those books on Warp Drives that I lent you?"

"Aye, sir." Data replied.

"Firstly, did you find anything of interest in the books?"

"Aye, sir. I found a number of interesting things inside the books."

"Really? And what were they?"

"Inside the Crayola '**how to colour warp engines**' book, I found a love letter from Beverley to you…"

Picard frowned.

"Inside the '**warp-engine-designed birthday cakes**' book," Data continued, "I found a love letter from Deanna to you…"

Picard turned red.

"Inside the '**smell of warp engines**' novel, I found a large love letter from you to yourself…"

Picard turned green.

"And inside the '**warpety warp-warp**' book, I found an incomplete love letter from you to Commander Riker."

Picard left the readyroom window open behind him.

Back in the relaxing atmosphere of the bridge, Picard was recovering with Dr. Crusher by his sick bed.

"How are you feeling now, Jean-Luc?" she inquired.

"Kerrible!" he belched.

"Well, it's your own fault. If you hadn't jumped out of your window – especially at this height – then you wouldn't have broken your legs, arms, neck, nose, ribs, toes, fingers, ears and eyelids."

"Whak arout ny keeth?"

Worf laughed.

"Whak's so fungy?" Picard burped.

Worf laughed some more.

And some more.

And a little more.

And more.

"He can't even fart without something falling off!" Worf said.

Worf laughed again.

And some more.

And more still.

"Captain." Said Worf, giggling slightly.

"Yesh, miss Woft?" he replied sarcastically.

Worf tutted and said again "Captain." – seriously this time.

"What's the problem?"

"A **Romulan Bird's Nest** has uncloaked off the port bow."

"Down scope!" the captain yelled.

A sub-space telescope came down from the roof and Picard looked deep into the lens.

"Oh, my goodness!" Picard cried.

"What is it, Jean-Luc? What's wrong?" asked Beverley.

"They've detached a **Romulan Magpie**!"

"Verify, Mr. Worf." Riker commanded.

"The Romulan Magpie is taking attack position, Commander."

Riker stood up, took a deep breath, and cried "RED PERVERT**!**"

All heads turned to a rather embarrassed William Riker. "um…red elert.." he corrected himself, wondering if they knew he was wearing Troi's bra.

"Up scope, shields up full, prepare to fire." The Captain ordered.

"Captain!" Worf woofed, "The Romulans have laid an egg!"

Picard braced himself. "How long until impact, Lieutenant?"

Worf checked his readings "Four, no three, no two, no, yes, no; that is…" he was cut short. 

The whole ship shook madly. 

Worf continued "..The egg impacted approximately ten seconds ago, Captain."

"Thankyou, Mr. Worf. You're too helpful." Picard gargled, "Status report, Mr. Wiff."

"Grrrr" Worf grrrrd, "Shields are down to thirty percent. SIR!"

Riker was with Worf at his post. "The Romulan Magpie is going into labour, Captain. What action should we take?"

"Fire a nuclear golf ball right between their eyes!" he yelled.

"Aye, sir!" Worf replied.

The nuclear golf ball flew across the view screen towards the Romulan ship before an intense explosion.

" A BIRDY**!!**" they cried.


	2. Chapter 2

****

SPOOF TREK: The Next Complication

Chapter 2.

Captain Picard was fast asleep on his readyroom couch, resting from all the action that took place with the Romulans that day. His door chimed. His door chimed. His door chimed. His door chimed.

"Captain?!" came Geordi's concerned voice.

The door swished open and Geordi stepped in, "Are you all right?"

'_Aaw_', he thought seeing the sleeping Captain, '_doesn't he look cute?_'

Picard opened his eyes to see a pair of oddly matched boots - both on the wrong feet. '_Geordi_' he thought. '_No one else could make such an ass of dressing on a morning. He must have popped his eyes back in the wrong sockets again!'_

"What's..'yawn'.. the.. 'yawn'.. problem..yaawwn?" yawned the Captain.

"Captain, I can't seem to find out what's holding us up. The ship won't start, we've lost the keys and no one knows how to hot-wire this baby. I've tried everything 'till I'm **red** in the face!"

'_Red?_' Picard thought. He looked up and sure enough Geordi's face was as red as a Baboon's arse.

"What are your suggestions Mr. Fa Lorge?"

"La Forge, sir."

"Would **that** work?"

"No – it's my name."

"Ah, yes. La Forge. Suggestions?"

"I could run a full ship diagnostic."

"Make it so Mr. Ma…Fa…La…. …Do I know you?"

"Captain, I have another suggestion."

"A what?"

"I suggest you go see Deanna Troi for some counselling."

"Wha..? er..yes. Yes of course; see Toy Droi for sunbathing. Thankyou Fa Lorge."

"It's LA FORGE, Captain!"

------------------------------------------

Deanna Troi's door chimed. She prepared herself for her 'caring counsellor' routine.

"Come." she said, remembering the ice-cream.

"Hello, Counsellor Troi."

"Ah, hello Violet. How are you?"

"My life is falling apart – I feel like I'm loosing my mind."

"You might want to go see a shrink."

Violet Burgundy-Grey was a colourful lady with rosy green cheeks. 

Lately she had been having some minor domestic problems and Deanna was the sponge that had to soak up her constant moaning. Counselling sucked.

"O.k. Violet, what's the problem?"

"Well," she began " It all kicked off last night when my husband came home from engineering. He wouldn't talk to me or our daughter."

"How are Red and Amber?"

"**RED**? HA! Oh he's just fine. The creep! And Amber? She's been upset because her father keeps shouting at her."

"What do you feel is the matter with Red?"

"I think that he has another woman."

"Have you discussed this with him yet?"

"Of course not, he'd beat me up."

"Has he already been violent, Violet?"

"No. I don't think so…Well, there was something that might seem a little unstable."

"Go on." Troi urged.

"Well, before we went to bed last night, he microwaved the cat into ash, dissolved it in a saucer of hot milk and lapped it up like an animal."

"No. Are you sure there isn't anything really strange?"

"There WAS some ash left."

"And?"

"He smoked it."

"That won't do. Anything else?"

"He ripped the postman's head off this morning."

"Anything else?"

Violet thought long and hard for some time. "He did pinch an ice-cream from a little Betazoid girl last week."

"THAT'S **IT**! That does it! The course is clear."

"What's your advice, Counsellor?"

"Kill him."

"Kill him?"

"Yes, kill him."

"But what would little Amber think, she's only six years old?"

"Kill her, too."

"What?!"

"You heard. Blow her silly little head off."

"B-but I can't. I love her." She said, close to tears.

"So?"

"So – the federation will fire me."

"So, kill them as well. Kill them all."

Deanna's communicator pinged. "Hello." She said.

"Counsellor, you are needed on the bridge."

"Thankyou, Worf." She answered and turned to find Violet had gone. '_Well_' she thought '_that went very well_.'

-------------------------------------------

On the bridge:

"Captain!"

"Yes, Lieutenant Worf?"

"There is a Klingon vessel approaching at warp six…"

Data interrupted "If they continue at their current course and speed, judging from their probable estimated volume to the squared approximate mass of their area to the power of their length and width, it is my calculation that they will arrive at our location at fourteen hundred and thirty hours. Taking them exactly one hour and forty minutes to arrive."

"Indeed." Said the Captain in a shrill tone. "Mr. Worf, is it the Klingon ambassador who is due to be our guest?"

"I am sure of it, Captain. The ambassador travels in the latest vessel since the Bird Of Prey, and sure enough the vessel approaching is a Klingon Curds and Way."

"Very well, Mr. Worf. Everyone onboard will prepare for the arrival of 

Ambassador Ping-Pong Klingon." The Captain announced.

------------------------------

Geordi La Forge hoovered decks 1 through to 9 then did all the other levels because he was the only crewmember to have passed his course in Galaxy-class hoovering-up.

O'Brien beamed himself around the ship trying to scare people.

Wesley helped his mother bake gingerbread Klingons.

Riker scrubbed the Graffiti off the toilet walls.

Worf nearly died when some idiot with curly hair beamed infront of him, yelled 'BOO' and disappeared. 

Ensign Flannelhands washed the dishes ready for the ambassadors 'do come in' meal.

Picard watched, and Deanna read his mind. 

And little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating Klingon Curds And Way, 

when along beamed O'Brien 

and set her off cryin' 

and frightened Miss Muffet away.

------------------------------------

The Captain's door barked, which confused him. "Er…hello?"

The door swished open and Worf barked.

"Mr Worf, you really should use the doorbell."

"**Woof**!!"

"Look, Were-Worf, is there anything in particular you came to bark about?"

"Tee-hee-hee Captain, ofcourse I'm here for a reason. You know when the ambassador arrives…?"

"Yes, Lt.?"

"……Would you permit me to request the ambassador to perform the Tach-Mach Kappatach ceremony with me?"

"But, Worf. What if the ambassador isn't gay?"

"Then he'll get the shock of his friggin' life!"

Picard's door chimed. Worf left while practising pulling his pants down and bending over. Geordi entered looking quite embarrassed.

"Yes, La Forge?" said the Captain.

"I…..um…..found out ….er…why we couldn't…..um…get the engine started….Captain."

Picard raised a brow, "Why?"

"Well I sort of….er….well…you remember that adjustable spanner that I kind of ….misplaced?"

Picard raised his other brow, "Yes."

"Hee hee…..um…well…it was kind of lodged in the engine core. Sir."

"So we can be off to meet the ambassador's ship half-way, then?"

"Aah." aahd La Forge.

Picard raised yet another eye brow, "What's wrong now, then?"

"Well, we still haven't found the keys."

"Bugger!"


	3. Chapter 3

****

SPOOF TREK: The Next Complication

Chapter 3.

****

The Gingerbread Klingon

Dr Beverley Crusher loved baking.

Whenever an Ambassador came she would set to work. One day (today) Beverley was baking Gingerbread Klingons.

Beverley made enough mixture to make 3 full size Klingons and when she had filled the baking tins, she had a little left over, so she moulded the sticky mixture into a 1ft Klingon midget. 

"This will be a nice surprise for Wesley." She said to herself (1st sign of madness).

When Wesley came back to help, his mom said; "I've finished the big Klingons and there's an extra surprise in the oven. It should be ready now!"

She opened the replicated oven and took out the full size Klingons. Then she lifted out the Gingerbread Klingon midget.

"A little Gingerbread Klingon!" smiled Wesley, "What a lovely surprise! I shall eat him after my supper."

At these words, the Gingerbread Klingon came to life. He jumped to his feet and declared loudly:

"Oh no, you WONT!" 

Then he turned to Beverley and cried:

"**Bitch**! HA! I can see right up your skirt!"

He jumped down from the table and ran out of their quarters.

Beverley and ESPECIALLY Wesley gave chase at once. But the Gingerbread Klingon was too fast for them.

"Run, run, as fast as you can!" he cried, "You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Klingon!"

On and on he ran, as fast as his Gingerbread legs could carry him.

Spot, Data's cat, lying on the android's doorstep in the gangway saw the Gingerbread Klingon as he went past.

'A ginner-bread Klingon midget! Very scrum-yummy-tasty!' Spot thought, and joined in the chase. But the Gingerbread Klingon only laughed at him: "Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the Gingerbread Klingon! I can run faster than the Doctor and the young man, and I can run faster than you, I can!"

Spot ran after him, but the cat could not catch the Gingerbread Klingon.

On through the ship ran the Gingerbread Klingon; with Beverley, Wesley and Spot still chasing after him.

Soon he passed by engineering where 2 lieutenants were pissing in the warp-core for kicks.

When they saw the Gingerbread Klingon, they pulled their pants up and ran after him.

"A Gingerbread Klingon! Just what we need to give us the shits!" they cried.

But the Gingerbread Klingon only laughed:

"Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the Gingerbread Klingon midget man! I can run faster than the cat, the Doctor and the young man, and I can run faster than you, I can! …Pair of bastard shitters!"

The lieutenants were fit and strong, but their trousers were soaking wet and they could not catch the Gingerbread Klingon.

And on he ran.

Along the Enterprise they ran; Beverley Crusher, Wesley Crusher, Spot, lieutenant Gurkin and lieutenant Belch all chasing the little Gingerbread Klingon.

The Gingerbread Klingon laughed as he ran like a wet fart. He knew he was safe, for none of them were fast enough to catch him.

"Run, run!" he called out gleefully.

"Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the Gingerbread Klingon 1-foot midget man!"

And those that ran after him puffed and panted more and more as they tried in vain to catch him.

Then, all of a sudden, the Gingerbread Klingon stopped in his tracks. He had gone into holodeck 3 and stopped at the edge of a giant swimming pool.

The pool was too long and deep, and too wide to jump across.

The Gingerbread Klingon did not know what to do. There was nothing in sight to help him get across and he hadn't brought his armbands along. Apart from the fact that the water would soak him through, he could not SWIM! His body would turn to mush in there.

"What shall I do?" he said, "I have to run as fast as I can! They must not catch the Gingerbread Klingon midget man!"

At that moment, lieutenant Worf came up to him with his **warrior** Speedo's on.

"I can help you to get across the pool if you like!"

"Why would you help **me**? You big, hairy ass."

"Well, I mean," Worf began, "Us Klingons have to stick together!" Worf continued, "Jump onto my back and I'll carry you across the pool." Worf finished.

The Gingerbread Klingon did not think twice. He jumped onto Worf's back.

Worf got into the swimming pool.

"Don't get me wet! This is a new suit! Real icing!" Said the Gingerbread Klingon. Then he turned to Beverley, Wesley, Spot, Gurkin and Belch, who were approaching the pool.

"Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the Gingerbread Klingon!"

Worf swam out towards the middle of the pool, "The water is getting deeper now," he told the Gingerbread Klingon, "You had better climb onto my head."

The Gingerbread Klingon midget man did as he was told and turned to look at the doorway.

"Pooy." Thought Beverley, Wesley, Spot, Gurkin and Belch, "We can't jump in cos we're wearing our uniforms!"

Worf swam further into the pool, "Watch out!" he told the Gingerbread Klingon, "It is getting **really **deep now! Climb onto the tip of my nose!"

Beverley, Wesley, Spot, Gurkin and Belch all watched as the Gingerbread Klingon climbed onto the tip of Worf's nose. And they watched as Worf tossed the Gingerbread Klingon up into the air and caught him with a snap of his jaws.

The Gingerbread Klingon was gone in one gulp.

"Well," said Beverley, "That's the last time I make one of those!"

"Shit." Said Wesley.

'Bastard midget.' Thought Spot.

"Pisser." Said Gurkin.

"BURP." Said Worf.

"Actually it's Belch." Said Belch.

****

THE END

When everyone had left, Worf went skinny-dipping.

He held his breath, stuck his head under the water and raised his legs into the air. As he began to sink, he farted, which propelled him downwards into the floor of the pool. When at the bottom Worf turned himself the right way up and stood on the floor.

"OW!" Worf bubbled as he felt something dead sharp stick into his foot. When he looked down he saw his own blood! Everything went blurred and Worf fainted.

****

IS THIS THE END FOR WORF?

WILL HE DROWN OR WILL SOME IDIOT COME AND SAVE HIS LIFE?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT THRILLING CHAPTER OF…

SPOOF TREK: The Next Complication


	4. Chapter 4

****

SPOOF TREK: The Next Complication

Chapter 4.

Some idiot comes and saves his life.


	5. Chapter 5

****

SPOOF TREK: The Next Complication

Chapter 5.

Doctor Beverley Crusher entered the captain's steadyroom and planted her buttocks firmly on the chair.

The Captain opened his mouth.

And closed it again.

The Captain opened his mouth.

And closed it again.

The Captain opened his mouth.

And closed it again.

"Captain?"

"Yes Doctor?" Picard said, opening his mouth…and closing it again.

"What are you doing?" Beverley asked.

"I don't know, Doctor, but it's lots of fun. Care to join in?"

"Not yet, Captain. I'm here about Worf."

"Oh!…Yes, well, how is Lt. Wwwwworf?"

"He's alive." She said.

"Bugger." He replied.

"It's ok. He's confined to sickbay."

"Anyway, what's the problem?"

"Actually, Captain, it's more of a solution than a problem." She stated.

The Captain opened his mouth.

And closed it again.

"As I was saying, Captain, when we were examining Worf's head we found something in his foot. I think it is what caused the blackout."

"Make it so."

"Pardon?"

"Never mind, carry on."

"We," she continued, "found **these**…"

She raised her hand. In it was a set of **KEYS**.

The Captain opened his mouth.

And closed it again.

"Who shall I give the keys to, Captain?"

"Make it so."

"Pardon?"

"Never mind, carry on."

Beverley got up to leave, but Picard opened his mouth. And closed it again.

"Don't forget our date, Doctor."

"What date?" she asked.

"The one where you get to join in." Picard said, opening his mouth. And closing it again.

Beverley left with the KEYS! 

--------------------------------------------------

The Enterprise' engine started up.

Wesley put her in reverse and fired her up.

The gigantic Enterprise reversed back at warp D+.

Data piddled on his console (with his fingers!), "Commander." He said.

"Yes, Mr Data?" Riker said.

"Now that we are moving at warp 9.9 reoccurring, judging from our probable estimated volume to the…"

Riker stepped in, "Yesss, Mr Data, thankyou." 

A few light-parsecs later:

"Commander!" said Data.

"Yes, Data?" said Riker.

"We are 24 supercentimetres from starbase infinity, Commander!"

"Goody." Riker said. He turned to the tactical station and addressed the person who had taken Worf's place; "Person who's taken Worf's place!"

"Ja, mein Kommanda?" she said.

"Please ask starbase infinity for permission to rendez-vous with the Klingon Curds And Way in one hour." He commanded.

"You vant me to ask zem in an hour, or you vant me to ask zem if ze Klingonz kan meet uz in an hour?"

"Yes." Riker said, confused. He turned round; "Ensign Crusher! … Ensign Crusher? … Where's Ensign Crusher?!"

"I'm over here, Commander." Crusher said from his pilot's seat.

Riker spun, "Oh, yes, there you are. Ensign! When we get clearance, bring us into starbase infinity steadily and slowly."

"Eye, Commander."

"What about your eye, Ensign?"

Oh, sorry Commander, I spelt it wrong," Crusher continued, "I, Commander."

"What about you, Ensign?" he said.

"Sorry, Commander. I'll look it up in the dictionary later, Sir."

"Quite alright, I know what you meant."

------------------------------------------------------

The Enterprise slowly drove into the small doorway of starbase infinity and cruised around the lanes looking for a parking space.

"Commander Data." Said Riker.

"Yes, Commander?" he replied.

"Use long-range sensors and scan for a parking space."

"Aye, Sir." Said Data.

Data piddled on the keyboard infront of him (with his FINGERS!) for a while.

"Commander," he said, "I have found one."

"Goody. Where, where, where?"

"372 mark 3, Commander."

"Ensign Crusher, take us to 372 mark 3!"

"I…eye…Aye, Commander Riker."

The Enterprise dodged pillars as it flew around the parking lot towards parking space 100025 billion.

"**What**?!" cried Wesley, "I can't fit in **there**!"

Riker looked, "You're right, Ensign. The space is rather narrow. I'll have to guide you in myself!"

"Do you know **how**?" asked Wesley.

"I can try. I've seen it done before. The Counsellor guides me in all the time."

Riker got out of the Enterprise and stood by the space, "Ok, Wesley, back slow and a little to the left!"

Young Crusher manoeuvred the ship into the space, "How am I doing?"

"Ow!" was the reply.

"Commander? Say again."

"EEeeergh!"

"Is that French?" Wesley tried again, "Commander, hello?"

"AUUugh!"

"I have analysed the voice," said Data, "and it **IS **Commander Riker."

Wesley tapped his com-badge, "Commander, je ne comprend pas!"

Data said, "Wesley, I do not think French will help you here."

"Why not?"

"My readings indicate that Commander Riker cannot speak… because his rib-cage is crushing his lungs."

"WHY? What's happened? Are we under attack? Is someone trying to kill him? What, what, what?"

"If you would come over here and read my console, you would see."

The boy went over to Data and peeked, "Oh." Said Wes.

"Yes." Said Data, "You squashed him."

Shortly afterwards in sickbay:

"Now then," Beverly began, "How do you feel, Will?"

Riker sat up, but he couldn't, so he didn't, which means he stayed laying down all along.

"I feel like I've just been run over by a Galaxy-class starship." He said.

Beverley opened her mouth.

And closed it again.

"Doctor? What are you doing?"

"I'm practising, Will. I have a date with Captain Picard."

"Nice."

Beverley opened her mouth.

And…………………………

……………………………..

……………………………..

"Beverley? Are you alright?"

"Gno! Cang't gnemember gnat to goo gnext."

"I think it was something like…close your mouth."

"Ah! Gthat's it!"…………………

………And closed it again. "Oh, it's no good! How can we have an exciting date if I keep forgetting my moves?"

Beverley began crying.

"Now, now." Said Riker, trying to move. He managed to role over, but he slipped and fell off the bed.

-------------------------------------------

Lt. Worf shoved the person who was taking his place and returned to his testicle post at the rear of the fridge.

Worf checked his readings and tapped his badge, "Worf to Captain Picard."

Picard tapped his own badge, "Picard here."

Worf continued, "You are needed on the fridge, Captain."

Picard swung his command chair around and looked at Worf, "What is it, Klingtwat?"

The Klingon tapped his comm, "Captain, if you would please come to the bridge, I have some information for you."

Picard got up from his chair and went to stand behind Worf, "Just tell me what it is, Klingthong!"

Worf hit his badge again and spoke into it, "Captain, I have a message from the Curds And Way. If you come to the bridge, I will give it to you."

Picard looked over Worf's shoulder and read the message.

It read: 

__

Dear Jean-Luc Picard on the Enterprise.

I am writing to inform you that we are ready to beam aboard your ship.

See you soon,

Love,

Ambassador Ping-Pong Klingon (In the Curds and Way).

Worf was looking at the turbo lift doors, awaiting Picard's arrival. 

But, to his amazement, Picard walked up to the turbo lift, went in and said, "Transporter room 3."

The door closed and Worf took an aspirin. 

----

Riker, Beverley, Geordi and Troi were playing pokes around a table.

"Picard to Riker."

"Riker here."

"Will, the ambassador is ready to beam. I would like you to be present as you are my bestest friend and you're the brilliantest person to ever serve under me. Infact, you are more like a son to me."

"Why, thankyou Captain. I'll be right there." Riker was about to leave when he heard a ping.

"Picard to La Forge."

"La Forge here."

"Geordi, the ambassador is ready to beam. I would like you to be present as you are my bestest friend and you're the brilliantest person to ever serve under me. Infact, you are more like a son to me."

Geordi looked at Riker. "Why, thankyou intensely, captain. I'm on my way."

No sooner had he stood and prepared to leave when-

"Picard to Troi."

"Troi here." She looked at the 2 men.

"Deanna, my dear, the ambassador is ready to beam. I would like you to be present as you are my best.."

She cut him off, "What a nerve!" she said.

As she stood up they heard a Nokia ring-tone.

"Picard to Dr Crusher."

Beverley removed her badge and dropped it into a fish tank.

The 4 senior officers left for the transporter room.

---

There were 2 fish in a tank.

One said to the other, "How do we drive this thing?"

---

On their way to transporter room 3, Chief O'Brien called; "Dr Crusher you are needed in transporter room 3."

"We know." She said.

"No, you don't understand." Said O'Brien; "It's the Captain… he's lying on the floor… drowning."

"Oops!" said Beverley as she ran back to the fish tank.

[ That's the lot. ]


End file.
